And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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