Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
