oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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