We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
