ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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