Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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