Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
