Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
