Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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