I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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