How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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