Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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