I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
