At least make sure they are 18
Why
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
