very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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