Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
