Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
