I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
