Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize