whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
