I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
