i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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