Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
