oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
