i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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