feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
