I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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