isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
