He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
