worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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