I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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