everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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