You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
