You can't special order awesome
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
