i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't deserve a penis
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
