the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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