Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
