I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
