i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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