and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
MIDGETS
????
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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