I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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