there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
