She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
