i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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