just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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