No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
