he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
