He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
