hell yes lets make some ravioli
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
