got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
