Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
