I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
