Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
