fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dignity is for republicans.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
