Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just invented taco cereal.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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