his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
